


Oh My God, Shoes.

by dottieapple, UmiAzuma



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Based on an Instagram post, Gen, M/M, Married Life, an instagram post by Sebastian Stan, domestic partners, get your kids vaccinated dammit, new york city subways are gross, on a bed, with shoes on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 17:00:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16769230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottieapple/pseuds/dottieapple, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiAzuma/pseuds/UmiAzuma
Summary: Stupid boy. Stupid boy. Let's get some shoes.And get them off of the bed, preferably.





	Oh My God, Shoes.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Sebastian Stan's Instagram post as he works on his upcoming film, "Monday"](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bqsh840nhlX/), I could only think of Bucky getting on the bed with shoes on. 
> 
> UmiAzuma was a co-writer and a cheerleader, even if I did most of the typing. 
> 
> Thus another SlackAttack classic was born!

Steve gets back from the bodega with a spring in his step. Nobody gave him that awkward, starstruck look today as he walked the half a block down the street. Maybe having a beard makes him look that much more like a young, 30-something Brooklynite going about his daily business. He puts away the milk and eggs, thinking he should ask Bucky's opinion. He's got strong opinions on how to lay low.

He slips out of his jacket and hipster boat shoes, then bounds up the stairs to the bedroom, where he finds Bucky curled up on the bed, snoring softly. He's fully clothed, including his sneakers. _The nerve._

"James Buchanan Barnes." 

Bucky stretches and yawns, his face stretching into the smile that's been charming the world since before he hit puberty. "What's wrong, Stevie?"

Frowning his deepest frown, Steve looks quickly, repeatedly between Bucky's face and his feet. 

"Aw, come on, Steve." Bucky rolls onto his back, bracing up on an elbow to get a clearer view of Steve's disapproval.

"Buck, we've talked about this," Steve sighs, put-upon. "No shoes when you're on the bed." 

"I only wear these around the house. And down to the corner store. They're not that bad. You can't be mad at me. 's not like they're my boots. Or yours. Haven't kicked any teeth in, or stomped through blood, or alien goo or whatever in these."

"They've got _germs_ , Buck." Steve scrubs a hand over his face.

"And we can't get sick, idiot."

"That may _be_ , but--"

"But the _people these days_ who won't _vaccinate their kids_ ," Bucky says, putting on his best/worst Cap voice. "We eradicated polio but why do these kids keep gettin' the measles? I know! It's probably my husband's filthy footwear!"

"But other people could still get sick."

"Who you got comin' around, rubbin' themselves all over our sheets? Or my shoes? There something you're not telling me about your little dates with Sam?" Bucky gasps melodramatically. "Is it the cleaning lady?" 

"Bucky, be reasonable." Steve rolls his eyes when Bucky sticks out his tongue and puts both sneakered feet flat against the mattress. "Okay, it could be _rat crap_. You know how nasty that is."

Bucky makes a face at that, but isn't about to concede. "I never stepped on any rat crap, Steve."

"You don't know that! You went to the subway; you're probably wading through the stuff."

"Jesus, Steve, a fella walks the tunnels for recon _one_ time and now I'm wading--"

"Heathen," Steve replies, gesturing to Bucky's feet and shaking his head. "Winnifred Barnes is turning in her grave." 

"Gonna smack me on the rear with a wooden spoon, Stevie? She'd thank ya."

Bucky wriggles his body around, quickly removes one of his shoes, and throws it at Steve. Steve expertly dodges it, and it smacks against the wall. Meanwhile, Bucky is pulling off his other shoe, and makes a big show of acting like he's going to eat it, toe first. Steve dives onto the bed and starts to wrestle with Bucky, wrenching the shoe out of his flesh-and-blood hand, then his vibranium hand. Steve throws the shoe across the room. They pause when Steve twists and pins Bucky down to the mattress, both of them pink-cheeked and a little breathless.

"Ha," declares Bucky. "Now I got what I really wanted, Rogers." He wriggles his way out of Steve's hold just enough to turn the tables and wrap himself around his husband, squishing his big musclebound body.

Steve, a little more content now that everyone is shoeless, starts to giggle in spite of himself. He starts to tickle Bucky, who tickles right back, and the play-fighting starts all over again. 

Bucky licks a big, wide stripe up Steve's arm. "Oh no!" Steve keeps giggling like he's twelve all over again, and Bucky sloppily licks the side of his face. "Oh help, Steve! The germs! My inferior serum! What ever will I do?" _Slurrrp._ "Tastes like botulism!" _Lick lick._ "Or is that... _chlamydia_? _Steven Grant Rogers_ , where have you been sitting down lately? You should be ashamed."

Soon enough, there weren't any shoes or clothes to be found on the bed at all; a little while later, the sheets were washed for a myriad of reasons.

**Author's Note:**

> All kinds of love to the Stucky AU Big Bang Slack for bringing ridiculousness like this into my life, so I can produce ridiculousness like this for the world.


End file.
